if i have a chance to be something else rather than human..
i would be a horse..
i don't why..
but i think a horse is cool..
haha..
i would like to stroll on the beach with my owner on my back..
and enjoy the nice views of sunrise/sunset..
how nice..
yeah..
if i had a girlfriend again..
i would treasure her like something i can't live without..
i would make the smile on her face never disappear..
haha..
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
ok..
actually..
i always wanted to travel with my love ones..
and enjoy..
doing things together as a family or as couples..
maybe the couples part can be done in near future..
but the family part..
nah..
all i can do is dream and carrying on dreaming..
ya..
my family did went to neighboring countries like malaysia..
but we never, never do things together..
is like we go over..
live at my grandparents' house..
then 1st day my mum would bring me out..
2nd day my dad would bring me out..
they never brought me out together..
to make things worst..
there was never once we did something as a family before..
even when i was young..
maybe..
just maybe they did..
i forgot..
but i want new memories..
i want them..
i really want..
each time i watch shows..
or even in public..
or my friends..
see them do things as a family..
or just holding each others hands..
i always wanted that..
that warmth..
but all i can do is imagine i was them..
dream that this would happen..
but never will i wish for it..
cause i know..
my parents would never do anything together in harmony..
yup..
we did went out together for shopping..
but it was like..
like in malaysia.
the same thing..
never was we even in the same shop..
stupid..
and..
in my 17+years of life..
i've never said "i love you" to them before..
neither have them..
sad..
sometimes i really think should i even be in this family to begin with..
since i was adopted..
it means my real parents didn't want me..
i was not wanted..
not needed..
not loved..
wasted..
i feel lonely..
for those who know me..
well enough..
i never had friends in primary school..
i was rebellious..
even against the principal..
i was a total shit..
ya..
shit is what i was..
when i graduate from primary school..
i can only say..
the few true friends i had was countable within one hand..
my circle of true friends only appear in sec3..
that's why i never really like to share my problems around..
i never..
i never open up fully to anyone..
never once..
till now..
i have quite alot of true friends..
of all ages..
some best friends too..
but sometimes..
it's just me that..
i would hide "myself" in front of you people..
it's not that i do not want to share..
but i just don't know how to..
sorry peeps..
even in relationship..
i would always hope for the best for my girl..
and i would give in to almost everything..
and its always ok for me to take damage..
as long as she's still ok..
and whenever she's sad..
even if it's not my fault..
i would do whatever that's within my reach..
but in the end..
i was hurt the most..
but it's still ok..
even after a break up..
i still hope for the best for her..
its just me..
to think of friends 1st than myself..
only a few of friends..
can point out to me..
that when i get engage in a relationship..
i would love my partner deeply..
yupp..
not trying to say anything subjective..
but that's me..
me, myself, i..
not ever going to change..
i wish i really have alot alot alot of money..
and bring my family to anywhere on earth..
and enjoy..
and do things together..
i really pity my parents..
working their life up..
till now..
reaching their 60s..
mum's now having a part time job..
that doesn't pay that much..
dad's working company's business is getting from bad to worst..
and their old..
not to say it..
but how long more can they stay with me ?
i just want my dream to be fulfilled..
to do things as a family..
travel together..
just once..
even for that split second..
i would remember it for life..
i would treasure it..
as the best moments of my life spend on earth..
as i'm blogging now..
i don't know why..
but tears just dripped down..
well..
2 drops only..
ok..
i say i love them..
yup..
they are who i am..
i love them..
more than anything else..
a hug from them just once..
would make me the happiest boy on earth..
and to get me out of my loneliness..
what now..
i'll go back to sleep..
and dream of that special moment..
..................
my life would be so much meaningful..
loves ~
nites..
=)
