love and hate exists together for me..
i dunno how to start this post..
i feel sad, guilty, angry and happy at the same time..
and most of all i feel like submitting myself to the devil..
for some fuck-up reasons..
today..
was a very unlucky and bad bad day for me..
although it began well in the morning..
cause weicheow and adrain stayed over the previous night..
we had lots of fun and laughter together..
and not forgetting the "gay-ing"..
then slept at like 4++..
then woke up..
late..
just remembered my section is having sectionals at 1pm..
and the time now is like 1.30pm..
lol..
then ask mum for money for the chalets that i'll be going..
second day i'm asking her..
and she shouts at me..
fine..
maybe i really am or i am a big money spender..
but is just a chalet man..
spending more time with my friends..
anything wrong..
although i know the dates are damn near the trip to brisbane..
like the last day is the day before leaving..
who says i can't make it?
who's says i am busy..
how busy i also wanna be with my friends..
what the fuck is wrong with that ?
because of that..
another shouting given..
fine..
my friends are in my house..
i shall not argue..
leave it..
whatever you like..
i'lll earn the god damn money myself..
then after bathing..
went to school..
only to find out that there's exams going on..
band room got com meeting..
and i can't go in..
then i went to schine centre sit down there listen music and let the wind blow at my face..
after quite some time..
band room close le..
nevermind..
its ok..
unlucky me..
then went home..
eat..
play computer game..
half way my dad reach home..
then come in suddenly use a damn fucking not happy tone..
"17yr old boy still play game"
like what the fuck la ?!
then i hack care at first..
then second time he come in and say the same thing..
but raise his voice..
so i just couldn't take it..
i shouted back..
"what you want ?! play game cannot ah ?! there people out there older than me playing the game ok !"
dad : "i don't care ! you know your cousin.."
me : "nabei ! don't compare me with my cousins hor ! cb.. i know they smart la..fucking goof schools..ri..whatever..jc..so pro..i stupid..i like.."
dad : "then don't stay at home whole day la !"
me : "cb ! i go out you and mum also scold ! stay home also scold ! what you want ! huh ?! cb! now is after exam leh ! no need study le leh ! still stress me ! fuck ! what you want !
dad : "go out find job la !"
me : " so easy singaporeans no recession lo ! stupid !"
dad: "then get out of the house la !"
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
then finish..
like wtf !
ok..
seriously..
in or out of the house also got problems..
donno wtf they thinking..
then after awhile i go bath..
suddenly dad so nice to me..
den i shouted at him..
"dun pretend la hor..i no need u to care what i'm doing"
luckily vincent ask me to go to his house to play mahjiong..
if not i'll "long-face" till i sleep..
then when out..
dad called me lots of time..
i hang up..
i just dun wanna hear his voice..
irritating me..
fucker..
then 9plus..
mum called..
"boy ah..dun too late go home ah"
"you dun give me money i dun go home..go work la..dun care about me.."
then i didnt even say bye and hang up the phone..
i feel so bad after that..
but angry at the same time..
sometimes i think my mum will cry secretly becuase i may have hurt her feelings..
i'm sorry..
but i dun wanna admit it..
my dad too will cry secretly..
fuck..
even i'll cry secretly because of them..
fuck man..
everyday quarrel..
went i leave for brisbane for a week..
tell me how can i not worry for them..
they are my only kins i have in singapore..
i dun wanna fucking loose them..
fuck..
sometimes..
i'm trying to be mr nice guy by fulfilling what they want me to do..
but it seems that each time when i'm half way there..
they would stop me..
and change what they want..
haiz..
i dun like my fuck-up life..
i thought maybe after exams..
things will be better bit by bit..
looks like i was wrong..
well..
i cried today once..
i dunno why..
but i dun feel myself anymore..
if i ever see a devil himself..
and he says : "submit ur soul to me, and i'll make your parents happy forever"
i'll fucking do it..
i seriously will..
even if its betraying myself..
really..
family is what i have..
friends are just bonuses..
fuck..
fake smiles are appearing everywhere on my face now..
but tears will always row down my cheeks from now on..
if i had only one wish in my life that i can make..
I'LL WISH THAT MY PARENTS WILL BE THE HAPPIEST PEOPLE IN THE WORLD TILL THEY PART FROM THIS WORLD..
=(
haiping is a fuckingassholecbwithnoheart
